My Pagan Blood

 

As the seasons change

I am somewhat overwhelmed

And

Overcome

 

I assumed that everyone felt this this intensely

Around the time of solstice 

 

‘Ah yes’—a friend says to me

‘My mood gets lower when I know that the cold is approaching’

 

Perhaps they do understand

 

Still— I ask further with some hesitation ‘do you feel um.. deeply reflective? Err nostalgic and reminiscent? With an edge of anticipation and sadness during this time?’

 

‘About what?’

They query, sounding perplexed

 

‘Um’, I reply sheepishly

‘About relationships?’

‘Past events?’

‘Hurts and happiness?’

‘Things to come?’

‘Wondering where we belong in this world?’ 

‘And asking what the earth needs from us?’

 

‘Oh no’, they reply

‘I just don’t like the winter much’

 

It’s more than being seasonally affected

This river runs much deeper than that, my friend

 

It wasn’t until I talked to people in my family

My brother

My cousin

When it made sense

They feel the same—they get it

They cannot ignore it

No matter how hard they try

 

It’s in our pagan blood

We need not— to only see the darkness and the light changing

We are in fact called— at this time

 To respect and say thank you to nature and our ancestors— and the gods and goddesses

— of our past

 

I need to run to the top of a mountain

As the sun is setting

To laugh and to weep

I need to stare into the fire

The heat of the flames pressing against my skin

While the air around me is cool and crisp

I need to look up to the stars

And pray

 

This ache

This feeling of being alive.

This need

Is in my name

It’s in my blood

 And needs to be embraced