Orange Peel and Apple Pips
There must be more to life than this:
a winter wind and withered kiss
upon these frozen, sun-parched lips;
just orange peel and apple pips.
We're living on remains of death
with bottle caps, recycled breath,
and feeble rays of advent light
illuminate brash Beauty's blight.
There's less to love than fragile Rose
who blooms in seldom summer prose.
We're nothing more than drops and blips;
just orange peel and apple pips.
This is really good, all of it: slippery and provocative. I like the capitallized Beauty and Rose, as Hayden says, redolent of Classic expressions full of included meanings. The title is superb, the 'outer skin' and the 'inner seed', very novel, loaded with implications. I never pass over your work now. I may be off the wall, you know, interpretive-wise.
<Deleted User> (8043)
Sat 17th Jul 2010 13:27
The last stanza runs into classical prose - perhaps thats why people are agitated by it a little? It has that sense of classicisim to it - romanticism, if you will, which seems out of place with the more modern 'bottle caps' and 'recycle' as well as 'blips'.
In fact, I especially liked 'blips' - when I read it first, I thought it was odd that it was there, but now, i kind of like it being there. Its like a tip of the hat to the modern age.
Hello Heather, I'm another that appreciates the structure used - stanzas 1 & 2 are both neat and effective in generating imagery, but that does tail off in 3, which with your skills can I'm sure be made to sustain the quality preceding. Best wishes, Dave
I like poems such as this that maintain a classical rhythm throughout. I loved most of the language, the first verse is terrific. I was less keen on Beauty and Rose and "seldom summer prose" sounds a bit rhyme-forced.
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Heather
Mon 19th Jul 2010 23:53
Thanks guys! I'll take another look at that third stanza and see what I can do with it, maybe a little tweaking here and there :)
Cynthia: Well it's always open to interpretation and you seem pretty spot on so far XD