Tinder Tango

 

Intelligence curiosity and sensitivity

Move right

Boats and stouts—neck tattoos—tongues out

Move left

 

Animals and travels

Move right

Backwards caps and toilet selfie snaps

Move left

 

Not always required is higher education

But the number of rough guys here

Who have not finished school

At least proposes some correlation

 

Errors in spelling

Swearing and complaining in a profile

May not seem important

But is all somewhat telling

 

The shirtless pic and pouty face

Was meant to turn me on and hook me in

But the overall effect makes me think that you will murder me at dinner

Then throw your napkin along with my dismemberments in the bin

 

Blurred images

Cut from the shoulder down

Or from 10 years ago

Are more than sus

 

But one photo from you with a tiger in Thailand

Is also enough

 

Being taller than my pot plants

Is kind of ideal

When we meet and I tower over you

It’s clear that your 6 foot tall height description was not real

 

If I was the size of a pot plant

Who didn’t finish school

Who loves fishing, footy and beers

Then perhaps I wouldn’t be placing myself on a pedestal

 

But hey

I’m up here nonetheless

And the view is pretty average

So I'm gonna turn this app off now

And instead

Watch netflix with my cat

And eat a sandwich