A train terminating in Troon
brings Harry and Megan to town (toon)
the Lord Lieutenant will carry the pennant
there'll be swapping of keys and a spoon.
Harry will wear his kilt
Megan dressed up to the hilt,
Mrs Fitzpatrick will open her cafe
Penelope Keith will be there
with wonderful teeth and hair,
Megan Markle will be sure to sparkle
with sass and American flair.
The event is raising money
Penelope is sure to be funny,
there'll be prizes galore, a fete they'll adore,
and presentation honey.
A signed LP by Del Shannon
the pipes and a firing of cannon,
the putting of shot will hit the right spot
with a coach full of girls from Clackmannon.