A train terminating in Troon

brings Harry and Megan to town (toon)

the Lord Lieutenant will carry the pennant

there'll be swapping of keys and a spoon. 

 

Harry will wear his kilt

Megan dressed up to the hilt,

Mrs Fitzpatrick will open her cafe

tastefully rebuilt.

 

Penelope Keith will be there

with wonderful teeth and hair,

Megan Markle will be sure to sparkle

with sass and American flair. 

 

The event is raising money

Penelope is sure to be funny,

there'll be prizes galore, a fete they'll adore,

and presentation honey. 

 

A signed LP by Del Shannon

the pipes and a firing of cannon,

the putting of shot will hit the right spot

with a coach full of girls from Clackmannon.