those unsanitary days of yore

any hand-washer or hoarder

was deemed to be a victim of

obsessive compulsive disorder

 

gel meant KY or Vaseline, for

painful episodes down there,

often after inordinately free

bouts of sexy wear and tear

 

hands red raw from washing,

loft creaks with boxes of SPAM,

DT's swimming through my visor,

gel and tonic beats any dram

 

masks worn by bad Dick Turpin

robbing York coaches at night,

now Dick, Tom and Harriet too,

flaunt them in broad daylight

 

visors shielded Sir Launcelot,

hero of maidens in distress,

armour-plated against lances,

now bustling barista's dress

 

hands red raw from washing,

loft creaks with boxes of SPAM,

DT's swimming through my visor,

gel and tonic beats any dram