Ella's Fitter

Her pearly teeth gave me migraine

I was awed by her withering voice

Her feet bigger than dustbin lids

Ella was my one and only choice

 

Riddled with human deficiencies

None of us are perfect after all

Ella was well aware of her limits

She was less than four foot tall

 

Yet she boasted hidden talents

She could easily manage a top C

On piano she matched Rubinstein

With her her favours she was free

 

Those teeth were highly unusual

She nearly snored me to death

It took ear-plugs to get to sleep

A gas-mask against her breath

 

Ella was right good to the poor

She went to chapel on Sundays

On balance I found her delightful

I grew accustomed to her ways

 

With women I would keep quiet

Never moan, whine or condemn,

Let any man who is not without sin

Risk articulating the vitues of men

 

Ella pulled me gently aside one day

Said despite my love I lacked vigour

My forbearance was appreciated

But she wanted somebody bigger

 

"I want a man to make me gasp"

She bawled as my legs went weak

"You're on your way out sunshine,

I need a palm tree not a Welsh leek

 

Ella's content with a brawny fitter now

They scare the neighbours with fights

But at last she's got what she wants,

She doesn't snore so much at nights

 

 

 

Ellafittergasplimitsmensnoretalentsteeth

◄ The Swinger

Heartfall ►

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