floating

naked body, naked heart

tucked knees in chest, like i was trying to protect

myself, because no one else would protect me

bare arms around bare legs

because all i needed then was a hug,

but all i had was myself

searing hot on my skin, droplets sliding down my back

and splattering on the bathtub floor

i turned it as hot as it could go,

because i needed something, anything

to tell me i was alive, that i was still going

because at that point i felt gone, everything around me a haze

and maybe any other kind of pain was better than the one i was feeling

so for the first time in so long i let myself go

and i floated like a cloud, heavy and black

and i rained and i rained and i rained

my tears dancing and mixing with the burning drops

when i stopped raining, i had tired myself out

my body suddenly weak, my heart tired

i didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to move

because i was tired of trying, tired of living

and maybe i would never get a bit of sun to peek out from my cloud

maybe i would never be okay

but i kept on floating anyway.

cloudfloatingpoetry

◄ if my heart were a well

hide and seek ►

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