The BBC orchestra was in full flow

Sibelius symphony number two

We were third row in the balcony

Up there you get a better view

 

Suddenly she sat bolt upright

Whispering to me with a sigh

How her neighbour's right hand

Had just been stroking her thigh

 

I turned to glare at the aged culprit

It was then we decided to swap places

Now the ensemble was playing Brahms

The violinist going through his paces

 

It was near the end of the first movement

That I noticed a hand touching my knee

Quite losing track of the pizzicato

My sang-froid went went right out of key

 

It was then I saw the offenders white stick

He seemed to be blind in each eye

By now he was tapping out the beat

Not on my knee but my left thigh

 

Thinking: "This seems an honest mistake"

I let the codger carry on with his error

His hand was strangely warm and rhythmic

The Mozart encore soothed my terror

 

Just then I copped where his left hand was

And the enigmatic stare of a matron.

For, far from beating out the music

His crabbed  fingers were inside her apron!

 

Forgetting about Wolfgang Amadeus

I grabbed the sex-maniac by the throat

At which a lady usher intervened

Which struck a discordant note

 

I'm in custody now for assault but

I cant seem to make them understand

Why I decked an innocent old geezer-

The conductor emeritus of the band!