A coward is the worst thing to be.

They placed me inside the trees to see how I would react

I had to learn on my own what good decisions were

The sun meant warmth and finding peace in right now

The moon meant howling creatures and tricking my self into feeling warm

It had to be the darkness that got to me

I had no chance there

I was told nothing

not one thing to believe in 

I took all I could find

and kept doing that everyday

I never knew how to think ratioanlly

Everyday was a monster I had to either run from or hide from

A night came when I could not hunt again

My body covered in mud and peeled back skin

Out of nowhere I felt my soul give up 

I let out a wailing screech that made the people watching me

cringe at my abruptness

They told me how embarrassed they were by my weakness

How dare I give up on them and their needs

I let myself live for them

love for them

Never will I do that again

I promise

and even in that moment 

at my worst

I wasn't giving up on them or myself

I was giving up on the life I was thrown into

A life survival

The things I had to do in order to feel okay

That's what I was giving up on

and so

they let me stay there

Finally giving me the mercy of death