In 1983 I went to New York. Quite a lot, but this time I decided I wanted to see the Bronx. I was told it was dangerous, and its possible flouting that danger was part of ptsd I'd accumulated the year before. Anyway it took me two goes... the first time I was stopped walking alone towards the Dock gates by one of New Yorks finest. He left his vehicle with pistol drawn, before asking me what I was doing there. I told him and he said I was fucking mad, "you can get yourself killed walking alone around here and don't go near the Bronx".

Then he drove me back to the ship!

The following night I made a second effort and this is what happened.

 

New York New York 1980

 

Leaving the noise of yellow cabs

Touting for business

In poisonous fume filled ghetto

Egyptian American driver

“Here”

But not here

They say and stare

“Not here. Idiot”.

“Not here man”.

 

Stumbling life blind

Through the mists

And through the twists

And breathing the stinking air

Fetid furious oxygen theft

Buildings covered in art

1980 New York.

 

Loving the risk

And feeling filth kissed

Forlorn feet

On a forlorn street

Where people are so much meat

And schools have metal detectors

But no books.

 

“Fucking motherfucker”

“What ya want here”

“white cocksucker”

So I saw their pain

Pain in their brain

And the glowing graffiti

And big hair

 

And felt their disdain

In the sour rain

That fell like

Astral pain

Pain in my brain

A spiritual stain

 

To run in gutters

Full of shit

And used Durex

As whores cavorted

In lurid lurex.

And pimps pimped their beat

 

Gun……….

‘Hey fucker’ harsh greet

“Whats a white boy

Doing on my street

Your a stupid cocksucker

Give me your shoes”

 

“No no I’m English

And I’m not here

to take the piss

I wanted to see where you live

And hear the music

And I’m not scared.

And your fucking shoes are better then mine”

 

“English? Man thats cool.

But in the eighties Bronx

Your still a fool

But your my fool now

So come down here."

 

Meet my boys and have a beer

You want some PCP?

Laughter from the boys

“These English fuckers all drink tea”

So instead of Angels

we settled on snow

And some mighty weed

 

They gave me chicken

And burgers and music

And bashed my ears with hate

For where they were

And swore down death to pigs.

And showed me guns and shivs

 

Business opportunities,

Tools of their street

And we became lovers

I showed them Linton Kwezi

And Prince Buster

And they knew I was English

And couldn’t be a racist

Which was a massive lie that

I never disabused

 

And when the time came

They walked me safe from

The broken spot and taught me

Things, patterns with their hands

Although we were mates and lovers

I knew I couldn’t live there

In the fear, filth and fury

 

But later I was laughed at in bars

Full of white pseudo sophistication.

And I was called insane

Because all those niggers will kill you man

And the parting words as I left the bar

“Nigger lover”!

And really right there

Finally then

Surrounded by white intelligent education

I understood the guns and the shivs.