The Overthinker in Me

They say I'm a bit too much,
too much of everything.
Sometimes too caring and sometimes too irritating.
So here I am, under the constant worry,
'What if this is too much?'
So busy going around in my own head,
That I forget relations have to be maintained with the heart.

I'm afraid I don't know what I desire or deserve.
Is it wrong to anticipate a love of the same intensity,
or is it just the overthinker in me?

Helsinki said that you need more courage for love than for war.
But what if the war is against your demons,
telling you, you're not entitled to love?
I've given my heart and soul to people, friendships and relationships,
picked them up when they were low.
And yet, when the heart wishes just a little bit of love, 
They all disappear, like the stars in a pollution filled sky.

Somehow, the keeper in me doesn't leave, despite all the heartbreak.
'You won't be a good cold hearted bitch', it says mocking me.
Be kind to just one more person, maybe this time it'll be better.
Time after time, I repeat this, and still a terrible judge of character.
How much more can I suffer?

I fathom the day I will be lost,
For the flame of my heart will exhaust beneath thick frost.
That will be the day the keeper in you will rouse,
You'll look for me, to ask what this meant but I'll be long gone.



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Sat 30th May 2020 15:56

No, you will not be gone... You ARE overthinking it.

You can never over-feel it.

That is your strength.

Great write

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