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Mab Jones

Updated: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 02:02 pm


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Daring wordsmith. "A unique talent" - The Times "Absolutely brilliant" - The Guardian "Excellent" - Metro "A superb performance poet" - Phill Jupitus "Hilarious" - The Western Mail "A real creative force" - Evening Post "Fantastic!" - Frank Hennessy, BBC Radio Wales "Delightful comic verse, articulate and imaginative" - Three Weeks


Pulp Fiction Take your experience And peel it. Pull back the skin And drop it to the floor Like a skirt. Next, the pulp, Firm and glistening as a heart. Crush it. Finally, find the pips, As smooth and honest As bullets. Swallow them, Like medicine. Writer, you are ready. Begin. Beautiful Girl (for Ogden Nash) People supposes that under her clotheses This beautiful girl has a body like Venus What no-one knows is that under her clotheses This beautiful girl has a very large penis They look at her from top of head down to toeses They see this great swell of two bosoms like roses They note her fine boneses and feminine poses And think: ‘what a beautiful girl’ But if she don’t shave for a month then her nose is Choked up with hairs, she is bearded like Moses And if she uncloses her legs then her hose is Proof, she’s no beautiful girl But people supposes on clotheses and poses Their ideas are based on our outer regalia What the girl knows but will never expose is The fact that down there she has male genitalia On external looks people make diagnosis Their eyes see some things and their mind then imposes An idea on which it then somehow closes And which it will never unfurl And if this is true, men, then what I propose is Don’t feel obliged to wear doublets and hoses If you want to oppose this, wear the right clotheses You can be a beautiful girl This is a poem with a title that tumbles into the first line, headlong, headstrong, with a sense of entitlement. A trickster poem, its first offence that thing you think a name. This is a poem that doesn’t wait for you to collect or gather thoughts; doesn’t sit there while you pause, and then, begin. This is a poem that takes you in, a sales pitch to itself; that shifts the posts to kick you into some uncertain goal. But, don’t fret. You don’t have to wait ’til the end. You can leave at any point, grammatical or otherwise. If this is a poem you really despise then please, stop reading. Leave. Don’t bother with courtesy. We won’t pause, won’t even remember because this is a poem like life, you see.

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.

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Mab Jones

Fri 5th Mar 2010 15:39

Hi all -Yes, there *is* a lot on this site! And I am v busy also... So, please forgive my s l o w reply.Thank you all for your v kind comments and compliments. Glad you enjoyed the poems! I just found out that Beautiful Girl will be poem of the month on this site in May! So, thats v nice *blushes* :)Hope to check out *your* profiles soon as I have a spare minute, too!!!And, yes, hopefully therell be a blog... Until that time, please check out www.mabjones.blogspot.comTra 4 now! x

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Julian (Admin)

Fri 5th Mar 2010 09:40

Hi Mab, excellent stuff. I especially love Beautiful Girl.

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Dave Bradley

Fri 5th Mar 2010 08:43

Hi Mab

Why haven't I noticed you before - there's too much happening on this site. I very much liked The King is Dead, which does a great job of making sanity entertaining. Will you be blogging? Hope so

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Sun 28th Feb 2010 18:40

Hi Mab,
Loved "Beautiful Girl" with it's clotheses,toeses,roeses language! very funny and brilliant rhyming!

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Mab Jones

Sun 10th Jan 2010 19:22

Thanks Rachel! V kind of you. I quite often have men laughing... but usually that's when Ive taken off my clothes... ;)

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Rachel McGladdery

Sat 2nd Jan 2010 13:50

I adored Beautiful Girl, it had me in stitches. It also made my other half laugh too, no mean feat. The King is Dead had some fabulous ryhthms in it, I read it aloud (to the other half again) and the "son of a mother..."stanza in particular was just gorgeous to read.

<Deleted User> (7075)

Wed 30th Dec 2009 22:12

Hi Mab , Welcome to WOL. Two very different poems inyour sample. Winston

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Mab Jones

Wed 30th Dec 2009 21:19

Well, Mab, no-one seems to have made a comment, yet... Please allow me to be the first. x

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