‘Hey what are you doing?
Look out your window it’s snowing
(Do you know I love you?)
Amazing white faeries are floating down’
‘Oh yes it’s beautiful,
And thanks, I went outside to see,
(Yes I know you love me,)
Thanks for the text
(I know, so sad I don’t love you in return)
My tears are silently falling
Drifts of losing you pile upon my heart
<Deleted User> (7212)
Tue 20th Apr 2010 19:56
you must be very pleased with this - I know I would be. B
What a punchline Carole :-)briliant. Could the first bracketed line be (You do know I love you?)for slightly more impact
'drifts of losing you pile upon my heart'
what a heartwrenching, beautiful end line. i very much like this poem and the bracketed 'inner-voice'/subtext device.
Very poignant. I am presuming that the bracketed words are implicit thoughts, not text. Some ideas work really when shortened.
<Deleted User> (7790)
Mon 19th Apr 2010 20:31
It's lovely! What was the fool doing with it in the first place?
How sad - and how well observed.
rescued from the fool :)
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Gus Jonsson
Thu 22nd Apr 2010 11:14
Great stuff Carole... muh little snowflake
Gus xx