My dear IKEA: Flat Pack Crack Up

 

If the cracks start to appear

If life breaks through its thin veneer

If you pine for a new idea,

Get on down to your IKEA.

 

In Spring time mostly this shop calls,

As couples picture their new halls

Nightlights and beanbags in its walls,

And promise too of three meatballs!

 

Brochure life, you shuffle through,

Bedrooms, sofas… kitchens too!

Life is pristine, clean and new

A new sofa, a new you!

 

Tell yourself, life can be better,

I could be a real jet setter

From sofa slob to cool go getter

Live life like Mikel Arteta!

 

Time stands still, but keep on walking, 

Eyes go glazed as barely talking,

Slow stampede, our future stalking,

Numbered codes, we’re slowly stalking.

 

Fill in boxes, secret codes,

Names like Ektorp, Silke, Plode,

Change our lives as change abode, 

Hope our cars can take the load.

 

In the car park, having fights, 

Over cushions, fairy lights, 

Rainbow flashing, and night lights

Brand new lampshades,  future’s bright.

 

All these couples, feather nesting, 

Sprogs in hand, pregnancy testing,

Clean perfection always question,

New décor ideas suggesting.

 

Then back home with cardboard packing

Care and patience never lacking

Put together as shelves are stacking,

Your relationship slowly cracking.

 

A fresh approach can work, of course,

The water can attract the horse,

But décor cannot be the force

That keeps a marriage from divorce.

 

So if your life is in a mess,

If your more should become less,

There’s just one answer I confess,

Change your home, not your address!

 

I hope that I have been quite clear,

My words may bring a smile… or tear,

But of one thing you have no fear,

So as I raise a glass of beer,

I drink a toast to our IKEA!