When they see me, they won’t see the cracks.

Sealed up like sunlit stained glass 

They’ll see only them.

Not this past.

 

I won’t be the person I was before it happened

And I won’t be the person I was because it happened.

I’ll just be me. 

 

The truth?

 

Ever since I couldn’t find that one word no.

I’ve been trying to come to terms with myself,

Reintroduce me to me as someone I could maybe get to know

 

More often than not I wonder,

What if I had gone home?

Even if that meant spending Friday night alone.

That was something I could say yes to, 

that was before there was a lot more to no.

 

No as in n-o.

As in no girl should ever feel this word foreign to her lips, fighting this battle on the inside and still more sips

No as in k-n-o-w

As in there’s so much more to know.

Know more of how to dress to make men less “in love with you”

No

Know more of how to leave, how to speak

Because sometimes arms crossed

aren’t loud enough.

There’s not enough air left in this world for you to breathe.

 

Know how to escape that feeling of losing control.

Know that unwanted intimacy between two bodies

creates unwanted intimacy between your body and your soul. 

 

Know that you won’t be able to see yourself naked for a while. 

 

Know that the next person has already lost you before you gave

them a chance to have you. 

Know that while it should be costing them,

It’s somehow costing you.

 

Know that my eyes would want so badly to rewrite every last word,

And I’d have to sign in if I wanted visiting hours with my memory,

because when I walk out I might not still be me 

 

Or I’ll walk out without something that once belonged to me. 

 

Know that it’s not your fault.

Know that it’s not your fault.

Know that it wasn’t

My 

Fault