A train terminating in Troon

brings Harry and Megan to town,

the Lord Lieutenant will carry the pennant

there'll be swapping of keys and a spoon. 

 

Harry will wear his kilt

Megan dressed up to the hilt,

Mrs Fitzpartick will open her cafe

tastefully rebuilt. 

 

Penelope Keith will be there,

with wonderful teeth and hair,

Megan Markle will be sure to sparkle,

with sass and American flair. 

 

The event is raising money

Penelope is sure to be funny,

there'll be prizes galore, a fete they'll adore

and presentation honey,

 

 a signed LP by Del Shannon,

pipes and the firing of cannon,

the putting of shot will hit the right spot

with a coach full of girls from Clackmannan.