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Start With An Apology

I'll start with an apology, solemnly, to make up for the one you never gave to me

Properly, probably, you didn't even know that it was necessary,

Honestly, this disunity,  that has come to be between you and me,

Bothers me,  so deeply, because it questions our compatibility,

The quality, of amity, is strained to limits of insanity,

Our policy, of clarity, was crushed under the heels of our vanity,

Equality, between you and me, is choking on our sensitivity,

And probably,  especially, the intensity of our wild duplicity,

 Means finally, sincerity, has become the scarcest of commodities,

So sorrowfully, this cannot be, and it's the end for you and me.

 

◄ Mondays Demon

The Lionsheart ►

Comments

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 13th Oct 2019 11:07

Thanks Don, I appreciate your vote of confidence. Thanks Ruth, I've always been a believer in, "Say the things that need saying," but sometimes with some people you give them the chance to do it first. The idea of starting with an apology which is really by you, to you, because they didn't think to, was actually really to be as deeply condescending to the person as possible. Telling them off like a child who has no manners, though obviously less patiently than you would a child.

J. x

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Ruth O'Reilly

Sat 12th Oct 2019 11:25

Jason I liked this concept of waiting so long for an apology from a so called friend, that in the end you decided to apologise and finish it instead.

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Don Matthews

Sat 12th Oct 2019 11:23

If I were running the competition you would get the prize.....

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 12th Oct 2019 11:19

Thanks Don, Dorothy and kate. Glad you liked it, and yes Don you're right, the rhythm did come first. It's a competition piece where the prompt was, "Broken Friendship," and whilst in this case it's hypothetical, it accurately describes a couple of past friendships. Writers do write life, but we also question it.
Thanks so much all of you.

J. x

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Don Matthews

Fri 11th Oct 2019 15:27

Kate/Jason

Poets write about life. Say no more.....

<Deleted User> (22444)

Fri 11th Oct 2019 14:58

Don't get me wrong Jason, I loved it anyway. Happy endings all the time are just schmulzy.

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Don Matthews

Fri 11th Oct 2019 14:54

I love the complexity in this. It's not just an overnight, quick tap-of-the-keys job. It took some time and effort.

Take the start/stop at the beginning. I like this technique. Probably what Kate means by good rhythm.

And there's the rhyming. End-line and internal. Nice.

To cap it off the thoughts evolved right down to the finishing line which could end in no other way.

Complex and very well put together. Good work Jason

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Jason Bayliss

Fri 11th Oct 2019 13:14

I know, but sometimes the ending has to be sad even though, quite honestly, I prefer a happy ending too. Thanks Kate.

J. x

<Deleted User> (22444)

Fri 11th Oct 2019 13:12

Love the rhythm on this one. Pity about the sad ending. ?

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