In charge of poetry readings (aloud)

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 Also if chosen I would insist on the following that:                                             


1) Speakers have a full head of hair.

2) Speakers are under 30 years of age.

3) Speakers are are NOT allowed to put a finger in their ear.

4) Speakers are only allowed to give a recital when there are 50+ people in the room.

5) No group fotos are allowed.

6) No shirts outside trousers are permitted.

7) No checked shirts of any description are allowed.

8) No hippies.

9) No ladies to wear clothing past their sell buy date.

10) No flamboyancy.

11) Ladies must NOT wear cheap perfume. (a sniff test will be done to ensure that this rule is STRICTLY enforced)

12) I will do the sniffing.

13) No items of poetry whether written, on tape,  or electronically produced will be allowed whether sold or given away.

14) No fuckin encores.

15) Socks must be worn with footwear.

16) Audience members must not check their watches, yawn, or shift uncomfortably whilst a poet performs.

17) No American style 'whooping' nor 'your the manning'.

18) Flatulence must be negated by the swift use of a lighted match.

19) That 'stay-behinds' are encouraged.


"I am available for children's parties by the way"

Bill Hicks

words and foto THC

◄ Black man's burden

Clausal inference ►


Devon Brock

Fri 23rd Aug 2019 23:53


I am pretty much good to go on most of the regulations. However, the no farting thing may need some clarification. Of course, there is normal farting, sort of that blame the dog kind, but here in the States, we have what is known as "cropdusting" - the intentional stinking up of irritants. Is cropdusting permitted, as a policing measure?


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Don Matthews

Fri 23rd Aug 2019 23:46

Dear Tommy

I would very much like your presidency over my presentations. I note that no poetry whatsoever is allowed. This greatly appeals to me as I enjoy getting up on stage and doing nothing. Am well-experienced on the WOL stage at this to an audience of thousands. I also note no fingers in ears. I am a finger-up-nose-putter expert. The audience love it. Oh? You haven't done a FUNP event yet?

Question - are selfies allowed. We Australians invented the term so it is only fitting I honour my homeland.

No-one ever encores me. Tick
Shirts always tucked in. Tick
Never fart Tick
Don't wear cheap perfume. Only the best Tick
Does half-full head hair qualify? Half-tick
Edging 30 Tick tick

Out-of-work poet

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Lisa C Bassignani

Fri 23rd Aug 2019 23:19

Dear Tommy,
Should you preside over the group poetry readings, I am saddened that I cannot attend, nor can I book you for the kids.
I Hate perfumes on women AND men. I do agree on proper attire, again, for the ladies and gents, but I hate tucked in shirts and I especially despise socks. I only wear them when necessary. Also, I've been accused of being a hippie (I consider myself a naturalist, really), and yes...I am American, so I can't help but whooping! And...oh, I possess a fluid body that likes to move....we are mostly water you know!!!
I'm sorry, this just won't work for me.

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