I remember a man, not a young man either,

in the very respectable county of Buckinghamshire

near Iver, who swallowed his pain by swallowing his beer,

escaped from his fears by drinking more, 8%, I can't be sure,

And, once having swallowed the beer, became the most incredible bore.

One you'd most definitely avoid f'sure.

He balanced all, brought all to mind, decided art was the upcoming line,

Bought, easel, paper, paints, squiggled and wiggled, and slopped and bopped,

Produced abstract paintings at one hell of a trot.

Became a name in 'artistic' circles, appeared as a guest on Mrs Merkel,

Banked the money then fucked off south.

Couldn't wipe the smile off his mouth.