Manic Depression

I suffer from manic depression.

Sometimes slow turning.

Sometimes obsession.

Thats a quick slow lesson.

In less obvious passion.

In which I fashion

A life of ridiculous…ness.

Quite a mess

But sometimes 

Great success.

But “they” decided

To medicate success 

from my life.

That they labeled strife.

 

So they gave me lithium

And I didn’t like 

Feeling so slow

Also I didn’t like 

Feeling low

But I was

So slow

I didn’t know 

I was low

Quite a blow.

To feel that slow.

 

Sometimes blind

To a kinder mind

Self hatred throws the dice

Towards something

Not so nice.

But it has to be said

Has to be understood

That being high

Is pretty fucking good.

And a source 

Of great levity

It also aids

Creativity.

 

But the powers that be

Suffer a kind of negativity

And wear frown of dismay

when the high comes to play.

If you steal a car 

to drive to New York.

From Croydon.

Or stand naked in the street

to fist fight god bare arsed

and bare knuckled.

Then they seem to think 

Your a little bit buckled.

 

So then they call what you are

“behaving bizarrely in public place”

Again.

And to save you your pain

they lock you up

Again.

But then they still 

are not quite done.

And just to finally ruin the fun.

They give you something new.

Again.

New on the market

this will unspark it. 

And you’ll be normal

And full of refrain.

Just like us! 

Again.

◄ The Rock

24 hours of love Gas Town Vancouver. ►

Comments

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Wolfgar Miere

Thu 4th Apr 2019 20:28

Hello Phil,

I appreciate the fact you have used the term Manic Depression as opposed to the trendy Bi-Polar label. The use of the relatively new terminology actually makes some believe the condition has only recently been diagnosed.

That line about having success medicated out of your life can be true, it is an accurate summary of how a perceived cure can in fact dissolve some aspects of character the sufferer might rather keep.

The extremes of manic depression are much similar to the use of narcotics, the highs are unbelievable and the lows so desperate, where is the middle? some feel the middle is the medication but as you have alluded to it kills a part of character which is often the good part.

Phil, the best people I have ever met are those who are different and not beige, it is only those who are different that can facilitate change and attitudes. Who wants the perceived normal.

I would say in my experience I have met many medical general practitioners who have recommended artistic outlets, in fact almost all I have met have done so. Many of them are disillusioned with the pharmaceutical industry, after all it is they who understand the limitations of chemicals and also the damage they can do.

That is not to say that on occasion I have not been glad of the chemicals to get some peace from the racket in my head.

You should be commended for your courage and bravery writing as you do. Many will write the words but avoid explaining the life.

All the best Phil.

David.

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raypool

Thu 4th Apr 2019 20:04

Very moving this Phil. It's brave to put down such personal feelings and try to share it; and although mercifully I don't have the ups and downs to this extent there is still a the threat of it lurking and removing a sense of worth and cause. I have long considered that there is actually no such state of mind as normal, only that which is the ideal, the haunt of liars and con men.

I have found that a listener can be a healer so often.

Ray

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Vautaw

Wed 3rd Apr 2019 08:17

The creative plague. I wish for the day doctors prescribe writing and holistic healing instead of medicine, but where's the dollar in that. Powerful, raw. Thanks for sharing Phil. ❤

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