‘I could ate a bull,

Then cry for his ‘orns.

I’m bloody clammed’, she said.

‘The shillin’s gone so we cor cook,

An’ the babby still ay fed’.


I used to be as big as a bonk ‘oss,

Now I’m as thin as a rake.

‘e said e’d tek me out to dinner,

The bloody lyin’ face-ache’.


‘e took me up the ‘ways instead,

To buy a bag o’ suck’.

‘e said ate that, yo’ll soon get fat’.

I said, ‘not on that muck’.


‘Now come on chick, tek yer pick’

Is all ‘e had to say.

A stick o’ rock and a goo on the raffle, care of Teddy Gray;

Washed down with a bottle of council pop,

Was all I got that day.


‘e bought me a nice bit of fish.

‘What the bloody ‘ells that’, I squailed.

‘e could see I wor best pleased, I said

 ‘It ay even topped an’ tailed’.


‘e said , ‘there ay no pleasin’ yo,

Now tell me woss the matter’?

er’d never sid a fish before

That wor covered in batter.


‘Mi stomach thinks me throats bin cut’

She said, now letting rip.

‘This cor goo on’, he said to her

‘I’ve sid more fat on a chip’.


I shouldn’t be too ‘ard on him,

After all, ‘e tried.

When we finished up in the Bull and Bladder,

I knew e’d get kaylie


‘I’m gooin ‘um,’ I said to him.

‘I’ve had enough o’ this.

I’ve erd of chewin the fat mate,

But this is tekkin the piss’.


Then in ‘e rolls, bold as brass.

I said ,’won yo got to say’?

‘e said 3 words I longed to ‘ear;



Ate – eat

Clammed – hungry

Bonk ‘oss – pit pony

Face-ache – misery

The ‘ways – Cradley Heath

Teddy Gray – black country confectioner

Squailed – squealed

Kaylied – drunk



Trevor Homer / 2018








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Brian Maryon

Wed 13th Feb 2019 08:20

Trevor - an audio would be good.

Kate G

Tue 12th Feb 2019 10:25

Gave me a giggle. Very unique.

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trevor homer

Tue 12th Feb 2019 09:47

A wry, irreverent, humorous look at a black country relationship - not typical but not unusual either.

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