Lost, no Where to be Found.

Sitting in the passenger side seat zoning off into the passing cars

As I try to bring myself back into reality I find myself stuck in a trip

I think it's my brain but all the doctors assume it's in my head

Test after test, all negative

My mind begins to swirl out of control and I begin to believe them over myself

Is this who I am.

Will I be stuck in this endless loop of surreal moments

It can’t be

Pills to control these feeling that I never had in the first place.

Therapy to let out the emotions that as a women "I must not be able to control."

I dont have depression or anxiety like they say

This pain is real.


You ask if I am alright I say no, I rather not talk about it

You don’t really care.

I am alone in this.

The phrase everything will be okay is posted all over my life

Will it or am I spiralling out like the doctors say?


It’s in your head

It’s in your head

Is it?

Is it in my head?

Have I gone mental?

Have I?

Is my pain not real and my mind is deceiving me.

After it being pounded in my head so many times I can no longer decipher the difference.

I second guess every move I make in fear that I am loosing it.

The emotions and feelings you told me I had are planted into my brain

Scared with no way to breath and no way to escape

I am stuck with who I am but what if who I am isn't really me anymore

What if everyone one is right?

What if this has always been me?


I beg god for them to be wrong holding onto anything I have left,

Praying to a god that is a false hope.

Why can’t this feeling just leave, why is it here ?

It strangles my lungs and weighs down my shoulder.

I fear the worst,

Where am I and when will I be coming back?



Thu 10th Jan 2019 17:28

You are in the right place here.

Trust me I'm a nutter. It takes one to know one

And You are NOT


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