Ass Hill

There is a hill in Bermuda

Very high and steep

With a narrow road from top to bottom

That twists like a preying python.

'Ass Hill' they called it.

And I fully agreed:

You would be a total ass

To negotiate it if you didn't have to

At a mere creep

Praying for reliable brakes

And no traffic from the opposite direction.


I called it Ass Hill for years

Without contradiction

Until one day in amiable conversation

A chap, a long-time family friend,

Looked at me queerly and asked,

'What did you say?'


'I had to drive up Ass Hill yesterday

And another car was coming down.

What a pinch! I hate that hill!'

His face convulsed

As he struggled not to grin.

'Oh, what an accent you still have!'

He chortled, looking ready to burst.

'Not Ass Hill, Cynthia. S Hill!

S Hill, shaped like an S!'

And he collapsed into laughter.


'My accent! What about yours!

You're kidding me, right?'

But he wasn't.

So, finally I knew.

All those years

Maybe people thought I was wise-cracking

And politely allowed me my little joke

Uncouth as it might be.

Bermudians can be gracious

Up-front anyway, like most people.

In my own head I still call it Ass Hill.

Let the implications fall where they may.


Cynthia Buell Thomas, January, 2019

◄ Christmas Eve Miracle

Lonely Lady on a Tram Every Morning ►


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Candice Reineke

Thu 17th Jan 2019 13:37

So lovely how you framed this story, Cynthia! Thank you for a good laugh this morning! 😂

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Brian Maryon

Wed 9th Jan 2019 16:26

Between Broadway and Chipping Campden in the Cotswolds in my part of the world we have a Fish Hill, presumably for the twists and turns...though maybe Eel Hill would be more appropriate.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 9th Jan 2019 16:03

My daughter came by after school for a wee visit. I went into the kitchen to make tea, forgetting that I'd just left a first print-out of 'Ass Hill' on the lounge table, for her Dad. I was pouring hot water when there was whoop of laughter that nearly made me drop the tea cup. Well, she hollered with sheer delight. I was never so chuffed in my whole life! You couldn't ask for a better 'first reaction' if you paid a million pounds for it.

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