You know something, James? You broke my heart.

The horrible thing about this situation, my friend, is that I know that I'll never get an explanation. I know that I'll never get an apology. I know that you think you've done nothing wrong. It has never been more true than with you - be one hundred percent behind someone, before you stab them in the back.

I can honestly say though, that I understand.

I truely understand and cannot be annoyed with you

any more than I could be angry with a dog for barking, but was I not different?

I was there for you throughout all the rejections and you know that I was, you know that I was there for you, like when Victoria strung you along.

She played with you, like a cat with a mouse. I saw what was happening and tried to warn you. I did that because I cared about you and I knew what she was like. I knew that all you were doing was joining her harem of love-sick puppies and when the hammer fell, I picked you up.

Then there was the dinner party with Rachel - how awkward.

The Gaucho Grill with Rebecca - that was just a free meal

Elena - on the rebound and you gave her so much, so she bled you dry

Rhian - never try and date a girl that could take you in a fight

Hannah - Rachel's, housemate. What were you thinking?

This many girls in as many months. Mate, girls talk. Girls talk and if they throw enough shit, some of it will stick. It stuck to you. I know it stuck to you because I helped clean it off. It was messy but I cleaned it off. I cleaned it off because you were my friend.

Then, it happened to me.

After three years of love, something went wrong with me and her.

I was devestated, in the way you think of Hiroshima after his date with Enola Gay. I was hurting more than I could have imagined possible. My darling Naomi decided I wasn't good enough. Her parents decided that I wasn't good enough.

I was told many times and in detail, just so I'd know how far short I'd fallen. Just how bad a person I was and just how much better she could do.

I shared it all with you.

I cried myself dry

I shook

I convulsed

I was a shell

I was pissing the bed

and you were there for

her.

Did I mean so little to you? Was my service to you not enough?

I know you wanted somebody but...

I just cannot imagine when you started to entertain the idea, or how.

"I just went around to cook for her and her housemate"

"I just went 'round to cook for her"

"I just went 'round to see how she was"

"I just looked at her as a friend"

"It just happened"

What kind of mug do you take me for?

You made risotto, you twat.