He was warned when he first got it

He was warned, it must be said

That a Tribble-Gremlin cross-breed

Ought not be worn upon your head

----

 

He was wary of the bald-patch

Disliked the typical toupee

Wanted something extra special

To keep the looming grey at bay

 

He used his wealth and influence

Sent a message from his tower

Requesting some geneticists

To employ skill and iffy power

 

They tried every type of creature

From the koala to the shark

They dabbled with some coral reef

That glowed bigly in the dark

 

After every combination

They had to shake their heads and scratch

For this unyielding customer

There could only be one match

 

Crossing a Tribble and a Gremlin

Was the only sure-fire bet

Sleekly luscious and abundant

Easy to care for, unless wet

 

But surely for this man with such

resources, will and self-esteem

Staying dry would be so easy;

His lively hair could reign supreme

 

From his tower to his chauffeur

Outdoor jaunts could be spryly brisk

But he was warned an umbrella

would not eliminate the risk

 

So through his aging adult life

He managed to do this dry-hair dance

Until, that is, that famous day

He had to show respect in France

 

And perhaps he didn't like it

Maybe he'll show us some regret

I hope so, and that someday soon

It'll be just a White House pet