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AT THE END, OR IS IT THE BEGINNING?

The biggest moment of his life

was when he took it -

so big it was that it rose up to meet him

with a large handshake,

a welcome to something he knew nothing about

nor wished to,

but nothing he could imagine

would be worth remaining behind for -

all the colours bled into one

like a balloon with nothing to celebrate,

a rubber joke inflated.

Perhaps he was the joke,

well he would show them

with this gesture of defiance

spiced with a little self reliance. 

 

Those who knew him said it was a shock,

such a normal guy working round the clock.

Everything to live for,

you know the script:

the one that invariably leads

from the cradle to any early crypt. 

◄ ONOMATOPOEIA

MEMORIES IN THE MIST ►

Comments

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raypool

Mon 27th Aug 2018 12:14

Well observed Graham. I feel you are right; as to an extent major decisions do come with a lot of angst often, and once made that I suppose disperses. It's also relevant I think that mass murders that are planned as in America are followed by self destruction.

Thanks for your comment.

Ray

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 27th Aug 2018 10:49

I often think that before any suicide however violent or sedate there is an infinitesimal moment of serene calm.

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raypool

Mon 27th Aug 2018 10:35

Hi Hannah, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I think of those lines as a sort of irony, the use of which can often reveal many layers - in his case a death sentence!

Ray

<Deleted User> (18118)

Sun 26th Aug 2018 19:29

Powerful piece.
The first two lines are really telling.
I thought of 'it's always the quiet ones'.
It was a life and it did matter.

Hannah

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raypool

Sat 25th Aug 2018 23:17

Jane, thanks for picking those lines - a visual anchor in the poem, well spotted. Much appreciated. (I do dismal quite a lot but hopefully with some humour) !

Thanks Rachel. That reference was a like kicking a ball, I didn't know where it would end up; I know what you mean, without that in mind the rest would be unfathomable!


Ray

elPintor

Sat 25th Aug 2018 01:12

"The biggest moment of his life

was when he took it -"

..a few lines more, then looking back upon this before I knew what it meant...

<Deleted User> (19836)

Fri 24th Aug 2018 22:32

Profound and dismal! A really great piece!

These two lines touched me and made me feel very sad. Thank you, Jane

"all the colors bled into one
like a balloon with nothing to celebrate"

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raypool

Fri 24th Aug 2018 10:15

Thanks Kevin for the like !

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raypool

Thu 23rd Aug 2018 19:44

Just to say this was something I typed out without a lot of thought , it came out in a rush, so didn't think too much about it. Sometimes that can happen, or you can sweat to get everything just so; I think we all have different ways of writing. Anyway, i'm chuffed to get different responses guys.

Big Sal, thanks for looking in and for your opinion. Ironically also the end of his life!

Douglas, sometimes life itself may feel like a sad joke. Cheers.

Darren, very kind to just say how you feel - that's worth a lot to me.

Taylor, i'm glad you liked the poem and thought it worked. A pleasure to connect of course.

Thanks additionally for liking, Ruby, Brian and Kate !

Ray

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Taylor Crowshaw

Thu 23rd Aug 2018 17:25

Very sad Ray but wonderfully written..kept me holding my breath until the last word. Powerful..❤

<Deleted User> (19421)

Thu 23rd Aug 2018 09:39

Wow Ray! That is wonderful, really strong words and very powerful.

Not sure what else to add, I am sure there should be more....

Cheers!

DJB

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Douglas MacGowan

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 23:27

Good capture of the anger and frustration of being the butt of the joke. Sad determination and plan to make sure he is never the butt of the joke again.

Big Sal

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 20:42

Last line is powerful as a last breath - sustaining until the very end.?

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