Walking home from work, I was thinking about Stuart.

How I messed up and how I didn't know what to do anymore.

Punishing thoughts set on Short Spin in my washing machine mind.

Shame hammering on the firmly locked door of my frightened heart.

I reached the garden gate and, looking up,

Saw a sequin spangled sky. A glory of stars.

And my heart leapt up into the dark open space

Into the velvet stillness.

Thinking those thoughts that we all do,

About eternity and magnitude and the pettiness of my woes,

Self obsession was momentarily fractured by the twinkling light.

I lay on the damp grass in the garden, surrendering

To the inevitable shame of being human and

To the wonder of being part of this creation.

I was thinking about Stuart and how,

On some mysterious level, maybe we were okay.