When I Think Of You

When I think of you,
I empty this bottle,
Drinking on a lucky thought trying to drown the sorrow.

And when I think of you,
I think about tomorrow.  
Hoping that in some way I don't fly away cause I feel so hollow.  

And when I think of you,
I see that beautiful smile,
That one that made all the fighting and the pain all the worthwhile.  

But we pushed and pulled till we couldn't anymore.  

We drifted apart we were tired of war.  
But instead of peace treaties we let the pain bleed out on the floor without the decency to clean up the mess before we locked and bolted our doors.  

And now this welcome mat is torn,
The doorbell doesn't ring anymore no matter how hard I press the fucking button I mean there must be something this porch light has been dark for 3 nights and I still can't make myself realize that this home is no longer in the context of ours.  

I can knock for hours until my knuckles split down to the bone.  

I can text you good morning every single day blow up your phone.  

I can sit here in the pouring rain all alone soaked and cold,
I can watch my skin dry up in this hot sun and not move one step off your doorstep because I am moving in baby steps.
I am not one to think of you less you were the fucking best and now I stare through this peep hole broken and depressed and I guess you're right.  

I really fucked up.  
And I guess you're right.  
You've had enough.  

AND I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT
I never did listen to your point of view.  
The way you handle a less than stitched heart done wrong by the hand wielding the needle

And I am sorry I didn't close that wound.  

I guess you're right.  
I reeled you in and casted you out and of course once the hook was out you swam away.  

But still to this day I grab a chair and I sit at that lake throwing in line after line because the saying "There are plenty of fish in the Sea" is the truth.  But when I see you I don't see any other gills I see my whole world

So I'll wait
And if I sit here forever until I die then so be it,
But my heart is drawn to you I can't deny it.
I tried for several years but I can no longer fight it.  

I love you and I hate the fact that I can't stop loving you.  

I wish I could step away but somehow I always stay.  

So pick up the pieces let me explain.  
I know you're angry and I know I'm to blame.  

So please just unlock that door I know you have so much to say.

I know you want to talk,
I know we did and said things we didn't mean.  
And I can say that I am sorry 16 dozen times but I left because we were living a lie but I never wanted to leave.

Cause in all reality I never let go...
So just start with the bolt lock,
I miss my home.  

I miss holding you
I miss telling you I love you.
I miss the way you looked at me on late nights.  
I miss how you moved and how you projected yourself.  
I miss your messy hair in the mornings
I miss your laugh after my stupid jokes.  
I miss the advice and guidance you always gave me.  
I miss the long talks on the phone.  
The endless texting.
How was your day?  
Good night and sweet dreams.  
I miss reading your name when the vibration would hit my legs knowing it was you.  

I miss saying goodbye.... Knowing, I would see you tomorrow. You were my favorite goodbye because it was never goodbye.  

But here I am screaming goodbye hoping you'll tell me I'll see you as soon as possible.

So when I think of you.  
I empty this bottle.  

Drinking on a limb that I'll see you on some month tomorrow.  

 

🌷 (2)

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Comments

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Big Sal

Tue 3rd Jul 2018 22:14

Montrose eh? From the San Luis Valley over here. Cool pieces you have so far.👍

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