the beginning of “The Naomi of All Novels”
i think the greatest tragedy in my life was the day i somehow forgot how the sound of my name was and how the way my laugh would form and i wasn’t able to preform it anymore... my greatest tragedy was forgetting who i had been, or i suppose, losing track of who i was... i couldn’t truly BE MYSELF anymore because i couldn’t really figure who that should be or what that should really mean... i felt kind of emotionless to everything but in another way completely full of about 3 different emotions... sadness, at a loss, and so much confusion. i hadn’t really been a stranger to knowing or feeling these three emotions but i usually felt them not as strongly as i did then and usually not all at the same time. i can’t exactly tell you just when this tragedy had been, because i think it may have been earlier on in life but then again it could’ve also been more recent... maybe i’ve not lost myself so many times, but perhaps just not created yet who i was. maybe my greatest tragedy in life was just merely not knowing who i WANTED myself to be and so THEN i allowed other things and people to try and fill these missing gaps inside who i am not realizing that they are not what or i am to be, just people and places that are around me... because it’s quite impossible for them to be... my greatest tragedy is that i haven’t yet begun the journey of ME, and the journey of what is my life, because i haven’t yet finished my likes, dislikes, quirks, and beliefs... i’ve allowed all these years to pass me by without living in them because i have not yet allowed myself to live... always choosing things or doing this and that ALWAYS for other people and things rather than choosing what i’d really like or what i want to do... my greatest tragedy, is that i havent even allowed myself to live a life where i could have a greatest tragedy yet... i’m on a search to find my story, or rather a mission to create one, and experience many many tragedies while now living for who is me.