what if my concept of love doesn’t exist

what if i’m the only person to protest my heart and desires 

does it matter that i can love with everything in me and expect nothing back 

does it completely go against being

human - for being human means selfishness

my selfish act is to demand to be loved in one way to one person 

i can’t get this out of my head i want a love that’s special but different 

the word unique is just a word i want  authentic 

i want a love that baffles me to the bone i want to see someone trip over my smile

i want the importance of connection to still have a matter 

to see more than each of your flaws as i count your breaths with my own 

i won’t be your rock but your hand to hold thru it all 

i want to feel the heat grow in my cheeks as you come to my thoughts i want to be clumsy when your voice says my name

i want it all with you with nothing to gain with no tricks up your sleeve 

i want the realness of us to have a third space only you and i can reach 

a space that is safe for us to be us

a love with fire that fules up our adrenaline 

a feeling that makes us extraordinary 

a concept of love that we can understand 

a beautiful story to be told a fairytale that i can live as my own 

a concept for love that has meaning and depth a concept that never settles for less 

my soul craves something different not how today’s love unfolds 

a lasting, never ending feeling of butterflies and excitement 

this concept of love i maintained even as a child