Simple Northern girl

 

Oh I’m a simple Northern girl

My name is Dotty Line,

I want to be a child bride

But I think I’m out of time.

I want to find Prince Charming

Though I’m no Disney Princess

And all the Man united team

Have been inside my dress.

 

I’m aiming to be posh totty

In my £200 quid Hunter boots,

I’m paying my hairdresser £100 extra

Just to dye in some Chelsea roots,

I’m toying with voting UKIP

 as I think their very right,

Shame Nigel Farage looks like Bela Lugosi

after a really bad bite!

 

I’ve studied lots of Cosmo’s

To try to catch my Prince,

But the acrobatics they describe

Will really make you wince.

I did a cordon bleau cookery course

To make me more attractive

But I ate it all gained 15 stone

And now I’m very inactive!

 

I hope my Prince is a chubby chaser

With a taste for pudding and chips

Tripe and black pudding are also nice

As they slide between your lips.

I’m looking for a man who can toast my health

With 20 pints of Stella

If he’s got Tattoos and snake bites

He could definitely be my fella!

 

I like a man with lots of muscle

In between his ears

A man who listened to radio 4

Would just bore me to tears!

I like a man who’d splash the cash

And never count the cost

Who could do 200 pressups on top of me

While I watch the box.

 

I’m hunting for him in Bury,

Bolton, Rochdale and Oldham too

I can’t find him anywhere

And I’m feeling really blue!

I’ve got a whip and chains ready

And a dungeon full of tricks,

And a fetching hat from Blackpool

That says please Kiss me.......

All over!