Happy Valentine's!


It's such a happy homely brand,

such a loving hand to hold.

Nothing says "forced adoration" quite the same

as an overpriced printed bit of Hallmark card.


Though I came in drunk last night

and all we've done is fight,

and we haven't actually spoken for a week,

this greeting card's designed to wipe out

all the battle lines and it's guaranteed

an armistice today.


The poem in it's shitty,

the romancing is pithy,

but I covered it in kisses

so I know that you'll forgive me

cos it promises the moon and earth and stars.


I got an M&S meal cos I can't be arsed to cook,

and I might be on a promise for a Valentine's fuck,

showing willing with the roses and the fizz.

A tenner on a ready meal,

a helium balloon;

surely that's enough to earn a jizz?


And how about a teddy?

A fluffy wuffy bear,

with a heart as big as China on the front

(and on the tag)?

Or a Moonpig tailor-made,

saying stuff I never say,

to show that I'm not really such a cunt.


Happy Valentine's my love!

Now let's get drunk!


Valentine poemvalentines day

◄ Not Exactly Miss Jean Brodie

Celia in Silhouette ►


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Laura Taylor

Thu 15th Mar 2018 09:44

Thanks Hannah - glad you enjoyed it ?

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Hannah Collins

Wed 14th Mar 2018 19:32

The cards that arrive and the cards that don't arrive.
Down to earth beautiful Valentine.


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Raj Ferds

Fri 16th Feb 2018 17:38

Laura you never fail to break the mould. Love it.

I suggest you should launch a whole series of Taylor-made Pisstake Cards for next year's Val Day! You'd make a killing.

Raj x

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Wed 14th Feb 2018 20:40

I guess we can't all go moony - eyed Laura, including me. Somehow in some parallel universe of hackneyed verse they pull us in through guilt manipulation, as do all cards i'm afraid. A famous comedian (I worked with loads) actually suggested I write verse for card publishers. Why didn't I think of that?

Happy Valentine's day by the way.


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Laura Taylor

Wed 14th Feb 2018 11:47

It oozes out of me ?

<Deleted User> (18980)

Wed 14th Feb 2018 11:42

Cynicism? I love it!

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