The words fell
falling like spores
from the softness of your mouth
Embroidered with ambiguity
they slip into the now
Woven to the cloth
As into the world
the mycelium runs
Through decaying harts
the fabric of love
Corrupting the dream
that ties two worlds to one
So blooms the fungus
Idiosyncrasies of love
Some clever ideas and nicely expressed Des. May I suggest to drop "falling like" giving "The words fell like spores." Stronger image I reckon. Just a thought !
Cheers, Ray
Fri 22nd Dec 2017 19:11
Thank you Cynthia and have a very nice Christmas.
All the best des
A very interesting metaphor well-presented and maintained. Much enjoyed.
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DESMOND CHILDS
Sat 23rd Dec 2017 05:28
Thanks for your suggestion Ray, I can see how dropping “falling” would make the beginning more dramatic, but I’m not sure if I prefer the softer approach, so you’ve got me pondering and if this poem should ever get printed or something, I would really consider your suggestion. Thanks for commenting.
Have a nice Christmas, all the best Des.