As I start to reach for the blade I start to cry

I start to put the blade closer to my am

Shaking and crying, I know this is what I want to do , but I can not

I put the blade on my arm and start to cut

The pain starts to feel good and overwhelming

The pain feels so good, I go to my other arm

With the blade on my arm and blood dripping all over me

I start to forget about the pain and sadness 

I start to cut more and deeper

Seeing blood all over me relaxes me 

It is a weird feeling that I can not control, but I love it 

I just lay there in my blood and with the blade still in my hands

Smiling because the pain from the cuts feels good....