LOOKING BACK

What will she do when her looks have gone

when the mirror resents her advances?

What will she say as her dreams fade away

of the handsome knights

no longer down on bended knee

to offer more than they could fulfil

what will she do then?

 

What will she do when weeds grow through

familiar paths of love's sweet past

reaching out for bounties lost

and the handsome knights

that used her body for satisfaction

what will she do when the future clouds over

despite the mirror's honeyed glaze. 

🌷 (5)

◄ PENNY ARCADE

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Comments

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raypool

Wed 25th Oct 2017 16:59

Thanks Eric, I do take that poem as a compliment ; it tells its story neatly and reveals what is a personal experience. As for the last few lines in my case this would be straying into a grey area. I usually apply a few drops of fantasy to relieve a monotonous situation.

Ray

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Eric Maynard

Wed 25th Oct 2017 16:04

ha, so true. I couldn't help myself, so here is my rejoinder:
https://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=71473

If this sort of thing isn't allowed or is considered bad form in the forum (cross posting), just send me a note and I can remove this comment. Really, it's meant as a compliment for compelling me to write 😃.

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raypool

Sat 21st Oct 2017 20:28

Interesting how lines can be like lyrics - an idea that fills me with trepidation . I think maybe as I thought of the first line it just seemed to flow so off I went to pad it out. Thanks Suki.

Cheers Col. I feel elevated and I know you like songs from the heart; thanks for the clip. Funny being a muso I can't marry words to music readily. Appreciate it all the more.

Uplifting thoughts Laura, thanks. Salvation awaits for those with determination and individual guts - some of us do get stuck in a previous experience and don't move on .

You make a serious point Eric thanks. Often a victim needs a victor to make a pair. Then again, the roles can be reversed by self examination and rise again! My brother when his marriage broke up said he thought relationships were based on mutual neuroses.... i'll leave that one with you!

Stu, sounds like you appreciate the predicament - shining armour a bit of a fallacy all round!

David, God forbid - me manipulating words for effect? How dare I, - but then again..... Thanks pal.

Many thanks also Tom for your liking!

love to all you lovely contributors. Ray

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 20th Oct 2017 20:57

You rabble rouser Ray, asking questions you probably know the answers to, naughty naughty.

Good provocative stuff pal.

David.

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Stu Buck

Fri 20th Oct 2017 15:00

lovely words ray. blast those handsome knights and their unfulfilled promises!

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Eric Maynard

Fri 20th Oct 2017 13:38

I really enjoyed this. I agree with Laura's comments; for me it feels like watching someone maturing, getting ready to cast off the social "training wheels" that guide our first efforts at relating to people, and it easily evokes that sort of disappointed frustration that it's so easy to feel looking back on my own mistakes.

Reading it, a thought came to mind of a companion poem, written from the perspective of the handsome knight. What have they both lost? Were they both using and being used? Thoughtful stuff, and fluent.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 20th Oct 2017 09:32

She'll go back to education, get a degree, or go travelling, or open a donkey sanctuary, or work with the homeless, or any number of things, and hopefully gain a sense of self/identity that doesn't revolve around being an object 😉

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Colin Hill

Fri 20th Oct 2017 08:50

agree with Suki but it needs another verse and a chorus to make it a top ten hit pop pickers. I've probably posted this link before but it's worth (IMO) posting again and your poem reminded me of it. Both lovely. Thanks. Col.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkCn7jF7hnE

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suki spangles

Fri 20th Oct 2017 04:34

Hi Ray,

This could also be a great lyric. While I was reading this I "heard" an acoustic guitar playing along..

Suki

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