In many ways, my iPod is better than your iPod

Yours is okay, sure, but if you look closely

You’ll notice that mine is a much whiter model

And the headphones are monogrammed

And you can fit millions of songs on it

As well as photos and movies and spreadsheets and graphs and amusing Powerpoint-type presentation things.

Whereas yours – well, it looks like you’ve owned it for a few months, if you see what I mean.

I bought mine last week. It’s funny

Because it weighs about the same as my credit card

And sometimes, in the morning, I forget to bring it with me

So I just listen to my credit card

On the way to work instead.