Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Message in a bottle

This ink penetrates this parchment 

A sailor's tattoo.

Letters, like all the little boats

Floating in this harbour,

Bob across the waves,

Nestle up against each other

Forming words in the diesel marbled water.

 

In the morning, the sun rises in

A yellowing sky

Some boats sail out to sea and

All the letters follow in their wake

Spelling out "take me safely home"

And "forget me not"

In the foaming surf.

 

And my letters in this bottle.

What words should they form?

"Father forgive me for

I know not what I do"

Shells explode along the beach.

"Father forgive me even though

I do know what I do"

Too late to say "save me"

My letters crawl across the page

On their bellies.

"Forgive. Forgive. Forgive."

 

◄ Cancer

Reminder to Sgt Pepper ►

Comments

Profile image

Harry O'Neill

Sat 23rd Sep 2017 16:51

Hazel,
I like the metaphorical possibilities of the `harbour` figuration in this. And also the reality of `letters` needing to `nestle up against each other` before they can make enough sense to embark on an understandable voyage.

I think I like most that it is a `natural` metaphor which - unlike so much of the strained `metaphor-icity` which is so fashionable these days - is so much more `traditional`.

For instance: the wideness of the sea and the`cogitative` closeness of the harbour are more universally (and also poetically) accessible to the human heart.

Profile image

Martin Elder

Wed 20th Sep 2017 22:35

Lovely poem Hazel right from the opening line of
'the ink penetrates this parchment' right through to the end
Fabulous

Profile image

Hazel ettridge

Wed 20th Sep 2017 12:34

Thank you for reading it Rich.

Profile image

Rich

Tue 19th Sep 2017 19:47

I really like this.

Thank you.

Profile image

Hazel ettridge

Tue 19th Sep 2017 19:05

Thank you both for your comments. I was just wondering what my message in a bottle would be and along came these words,

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message