Lamentation Tryptich
August 16, 2015 (the voice of sorrow)
Church has just ended.
I return home, emptiness.
Summer is ending.
November 22, 2015 (the voice of anger)
Answers promised now.
Choices made, your voice manic.
Long fall night won’t end.
Today (the voice of trust)
It’s a year later.
I’m learning to love again.
Spring promises found.
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sat 10th Jun 2017 09:03
very well thought out Rik - the image of the church altar triptych (check spelling) sits well with the three haikus, each with three lines.
I think the whole could be neatened up by shortening those long 'date' lines. Firstly the year is somewhat irrelevant to the reader as in the third you state 'It's a year later' - so personally I would ditch that. Secondly, possibly shorten the month as follows to bring the line length nearer to that of the haikus:
Aug 16 (the voice of sorrow) or
Aug 16 - the voice of sorrow
Church has just ended.
I return home, emptiness.
Summer is ending.
Just a thought. Hope you don't mind me saying.
I don't know why but I have always been fascinated by triptych art so it's interesting to see it used here in a literary way. I messed around with the format a couple of years back myself. Here are some links if you would like to take a look:
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/skiptych-by-colsibabes.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/skiptych-2-by-colsibabes.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/october-trilogy-by-colsibabes_4.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/palleteyesed-twixelated-gagged-2-by.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/three-colours-trilogy-by-colsibabes.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/blah-bored-bang-by-colsibabes.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/johnny-by-colsibabes.html
https://colinhillphotopoems.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/deep-blue-by-colsibabes.html
all the best and thanks for posting,
Colin