THE FRUIT GROWER'S LAMENT
I thought I'd be an orchardist
They all say "Fresh is the Best"
So I bought myself two acres
In the Heart of South.
I planted watermelons
And lots of other stuff
And me of the impatient Kind
They went in rather rough.
I thought then if I worked real hard
One day I could relax
And being primary producer,
Well - it would cut down on my tax.
My avocados got the root-rot,
You've heard of it no doubt.
The D.P.I bloke came and said
" You'll have to pull e'm out."
So I hooked on with my tractor
And a heavy snigging chain
I pulled the lot out - roots and all,
Then started of again.
This time I planted lychees
They all said " They're the go,
All you do is pop e'm in
Then sit back and watch 'em grow."
So I stood back and watched 'em grow
The hardest part was done -
But a funny bug thing came along
And stung them one by one.
The fig birds ate my figs by day
I felt broke and bereft.
That night Fred Flying Fox, he came
And clean up what was left.
I had to spray my peaches,
I did a first class job.
That night Fred Flying Fox returned,
This time he brought the Mob.
My nectarines,they fruited well,
I was pleased with the cop i got.
Until the local kids found out,
One night they picked the lot.
White cockatoos ate my pecan nuts,
I could hear them having fun.
And when I went and checked the tree
They'd cracked open every one.
Now I've suffered all these set - backs,
Taken all that I can cop.
Now when i want a bag of fruit,
I buy it from the SHOP."