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Song of the Sky

Whispers adorn the sky

Chilling winds and dying, breathy voices

The road is a blackboard

With essays of footprints written upon it

The air is still

As are the trees

But the sky is not

The sky talks mindlessly to someone

It murmurs and mutters

Supported by the Earth

Pressured by Space

The sky is home to the brain of a flower

The flower is red

Some say the colour of love

Others claim it to be blood

Is there a difference?

This is what the flower ponders

Surrounded by grey

Just grey

A single spot of love or blood

Accompanied with the silence of the colour

Out of the glass it sees the sky

To many the sky is so big

So vast, so aimless

To the flower, the sky is small

The sky is misunderstood

 

It is weak

It is puny

But it is blue

And the flower likes blue

Dreams are blue, happiness is blue

The flower knows a lot

It knows of grey

Of injustice

Of evil

There is one other thing that the red flower knows

It knows what the sky is whispering

The flower hears the sky over the screams of children playing

Over the tumult of gunfire

Over the dead buzz of grey

The sky talks to everyone

Begging for freedom, for attention

However

No one listens

Not the blackboard road

Not the lingering snow

Nobody apart from a small, red flower

Knows the song of the sky.

flowermetaphoricalreal lifeskythe sky

Comments

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Manya

Thu 18th May 2017 08:55

I love that, Cynthia. I agree, 'nobody but' does sound good to say.
And thank you for your honesty, Colin. I'll try make my poems shorter and more concise further on, and follow your advice (:

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Manya

Thu 18th May 2017 08:53

Thank you for your comments, everyone! This is my first proper poem and since I really want to pursue poetry as a career, your criticism and ideas are extremely helpful!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 17th May 2017 15:43

Colin's comments are really excellent. I'm glad he was bold enough to be so honest; it can be a tough call, especially when someone is very new, and not used to our responses.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 17th May 2017 08:53

yes I too like the images here especially the blackboard road with its essays of footprints. I think you could look at this poem another day, sometime in the future, and possibly strip it down to something more concise or maybe reap several more poems from the ideas already partly explored. Thanks for posting Manya.
Colin

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Raj Ferds

Wed 17th May 2017 07:34

A superb tapestry of images Manya, nicely oven together.

I enjoyed it so much that I might read it again.
Raj

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 16th May 2017 14:38

Very imaginative, and then supported with interesting imagery. I like the way you have bound the poem together with repetition at the end.

Would you consider 'nobody but a small red flower'? The two words 'nobody but' with the 'b' alliteration are a lovely sound together and smooth in texture. Just a thought.

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Stu Buck

Tue 16th May 2017 14:23

this is really good manya. so much great imagery and use of colour and space. brilliant stuff.

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