From Across The Street
I saw the mother of my youngest son today
She was walking straight-backed, erect
Head high but not haughty
Sandals, delicate flower dress
Flowing like her hair once red but now hinting grey
I hope she did not see me.
Comments
Hi Rick. The first line obviously sets the stamp and the rest is a list of details - the question is I think would be how your son impacts on your idea of her and the secrecy - it seems to float above emotion and judgement, which makes it quite delicate and a bit spooky.
Enjoying your book by the way!
Ray
Thanks Cynthia and Stu - I'm playing around with ambiguity at the moment - why did he hope he was not seen? possibly because she did not see him or that she did see him and pretended not to - I think he had feelings for her - I dunno - I'm trying to open doors of possibilities perhaps - it may form a part of a larger piece in time - but for now I'm trying for 'pithy but potent' ?
You are an instinctive and intuitive writer.
great stuff rick, so much said in so few words. i feel emotions when i see my ex-wife as well, mainly relief.
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suki spangles
Tue 16th May 2017 23:25
Hi Rick,
I think the ambiguity of this works really well; it could be read in a few ways.
Love the book, btw!
Take it easy!
Suki