1.      Shopping

 

Was doing some window shopping

As you do

On a quiet Sunday

Before you get your monthly pay

 

And then there she was

Completely stark bollock-naked!

Well, you know what I mean

For it was a She that I seen

 

She had a great figure

A lovely, healthy skin-tone

Although, not much hair

But, if I had to guess, it would be fair

 

Should I look and stare?

Or modestly avert my eyes?

Would looking be a major sin?

After all, she’s just a mannequin

 

2.      When I’ve gone

 

When I’ve gone

When I’ve left you all

When my bones are being reduced

To dust, best held in an urn

 

Skip through my back catalogue

Find the verse I cobbled together

That has become your favourite

And read it, loud and proud

 

It’s all I’d want really

I can think of nothing better

Than my most precious friends and family

Being forced to read my awful poetry

 

So, on my great day

My last hurrah and goodbye

I’ll only regret being a crap Dad

And, possibly, writing words that just don’t rhyme

 

On that day, stand tall and firm

Do me proud

Shout out my words

My lines, my verses and terrible puns

 

Remember me affectionately,

As the organ plays its sorrowful tune

But most of all, on that day, don’t ever forget

To read out the half-time scores