Once I knew you,
Red hair blowing free
Catholic and wild:
The young banshee.
A Jacobite, like me.
The moral guardians condemned us:
Said we were the transgressors,
The breakers of the law.
.
So then we asked each other
What was life for?
It’s the wildness that’s within us!
Our spirits roaming free:
The accomplishment of nothing
That is you and me.
john this is a wonderful, classic bit of writing. as far from my usual style as its possible to get, but the quality is enough to keep me rereading. you had me at red hair blowing free. super piece.
I had forgotten that point about Joyce; now I don't feel so alienated. But, to be honest, I think Plato made a lot of sense.
Thanks, as ever, Cynthia. What do you think of the revision? I'm with Joyce on revision, every piece of writing is, forever, a 'work-in-progress' (unless you're unlucky enough to live in Plato's Republic of emotionless idealism).
Thought-provoking. I do like it.
You want 'red hair' in that line, understandably. As it is, it's a bit of a stumble. Would you consider simply 'With your red hair free'? You lose nothing but the trip-up in the rhythm. 'Free hair' is open to wind, rain etc. all weathers. Just a thought, with respect.
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John Marks
Tue 25th Apr 2017 21:08
Thanks Stu. I don't always like my poems, thus the revisions, but I do like 'The foggy, foggy dew'. Much appreciated comment Stu - thanks again, John