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grief in e-minor

you are eating the glass the glass the glass
from the window from the smashed window
that you smashed because you love me
and i am pulling thin slivers of wood
from under my fingernails but we dont talk
ever never dont talk about how they got
under my fingernails i was dragged
dragged was dragged along the floor by 
my age old trainers and i gripped and slipped
and my fingernails found the age old floorboards
and thats why the thin slivers of wood are there
because you roil and spit and shiver like mercury
and the shards of glass are crunched and swallowed
and you smile and your teeth are yellow red 
its dribbling down your chin whats dribbling down 
your chin is not the same as is pumped by my 
swollen heart but its a black thing a black
thing that dribbles down your chin and cant
you grieve like the rest of us grieve by standing
stock still in the doorway of the nursery watching
mother cry over tiny shoes.

◄ i am a cloud and when i cry it rains

grief in b-flat ►

Comments

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Stu Buck

Thu 30th Mar 2017 17:13

thanks all. this is part of a rather difficult piece which i feel i need to write. frankly its exhausting, so i am really pleased you enjoyed (if one can enjoy this tone of work) or at least appreciated it.

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suki spangles

Wed 29th Mar 2017 11:14

Hi Stu,

There's an almost demotic mantra like feel through this - psychic arterial spurting! I know you perform your poetry; I reckon this one would be great to perform, what do you think?

Suki

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 28th Mar 2017 13:09

Really effective formatting; pumps like blood through the head and heart. The title is superb.

And you're concerned about 'good' and 'better' writing! You are always your own best judge. There are really no 'rules'. Just results. And you have innate power.

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raypool

Tue 28th Mar 2017 12:21

Uniquely descriptive like a torrent hardly contained - an unmistakeable style you have made your own Stu. This makes us sit up and take notice - it feels like examining a wound.

Ray

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Paul Waring

Tue 28th Mar 2017 09:31

Gripping stuff Stu, really raw emotion and pain running all the way through this. Marvellous read.

Paul

elPintor

Mon 27th Mar 2017 23:40

I have to agree with Martin and David, and might I just say that it's a great observation on how unique we each are in handling strong emotions like grief. I don't know enough to get into the psychobiological factors affecting such things, though I'm sure that there are many elements at play within such confined temporal experiences.

btw, I was just reading that, "the key of E minor is also popular in heavy metal music, as its tonic is the lowest note on a standard-tuned guitar."--very fitting.

elP

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Martin Elder

Mon 27th Mar 2017 19:44

There is so much drama, tension and emotion her Stu to grip the reader, Marvellous stuff. Even better when it's read out loud.

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