drifting past unnoticed
my heart beats a path
in silent steps, following
hanging around your space
this place and that, slipping
in and out of view, waiting.
sideways, casual glances
give no clue of my intention
to inhabit you, inside
where your energy burns
I'm going nowhere
nowhere without you
in my sights
waiting my time
preparing for something
good stuff paul. eerie and creepy but not because it lays it on thick, but uses clever, subtle lines to enhance the feeling, as the piece progresses, that there is a quiet desperation and longing. reminds me a lot of the technique used in asian horror movies, the creeping sense of unease as opposed to the shock value. far more effective i would say.
Hi Suki, how interesting that this put you in mind of that Police song, and thank you for the lovely compliment.
And thanks, too Graham, for your kind praise.
I am really chuffed to read comments like this.
Paul
The cleverness of this piece (as the previous comments suggest) is its ambiguity. Deliberately sparse albeit finishing on a slightly threatening note "I'm going nowhere", there is more unsaid than expressed here.
Hi Paul,
Much more subtle and ambivalent than "Every Breath You Take" that your poem reminds me of.
"Preparing for something" leaves the interpretation of intent quite open..
Suki
Thanks Ray, Col and David. As always, great to read your comments. Interestingly, you clever chaps seem to have picked up on the potential for multiple interpretations, positive as well as negative. David, thanks for the link and the interesting point about the changing definitions of stalking.
Although I recognise the very serious nature of what is now the offence of stalking, I had in mind the idea of intense attraction and craving to be with someone so badly that we, in a sense, 'stalk' the person. But, of course, there is no doubt a fine line between going far enough and going too far.
Thanks again you three wise men,
Paul
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sat 25th Mar 2017 23:26
dark as you like with extra treacly coagulated blood this could be about one of any number of interpretations but for me it has something ghastly and embolic in its foreboding atmosphere (clutches hand to chest).
Col
Being unresolved, this carries weight like a threatening wraith of intention, and leaves open any scenario, a tightrope of uncertainty. Nicely expressed, Paul.
Welcome back by the way!
Ray.
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Paul Waring
Mon 27th Mar 2017 19:55
Thanks Stu, your insightful comment has nailed this piece!
Great, as ever, to hear from you.
Paul