Shy
Our eyes met
mine scurried away
Comments
Hi David,
thanks for the advice. I think I added the s due to the way I talk. Where I am from we don't use standard English for everyday speech but rather an English dialect that incorporates tons of grammatical errors as a norm.
Also, thanks to both of you, David and elPintor. I struggled a lot with myself penning this because I really wanted to make it a tad longer. I'm glad my final decision to leave it as it is was appreciated.
Juan
elPintor
Fri 24th Feb 2017 12:56
I have to agree with David..there's nothing extraneous here to convolute the message. There's nothing like having your true intentions subverted by shyness--it's terribly frustrating.
elP
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Juan Pablo Lynch
Sun 26th Feb 2017 01:35
Hi David,
I'm actually glad that you felt comfortable enough to offer your advice on my poem. I'm very open to constructive criticism...I hope you feel free to post your advice on any of my past or future blogs as I consider myself an amateur. Also, I believe that even pros need to be helped pointing out cons.