Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

untitled

The room is a blur

as the water rises.

Message in a bottle.

I've lost him to that bottle.

Crack his face

with the poison

that chains him.

Blood pumps

to the white

of his eyes.

Can you see the cuts?

Shattering as he falls,

the baby moves inside me.

 

last night's dream ►

Comments

Profile image

Melissa Gentile

Tue 21st Feb 2017 23:09

Graham,
I wasn't sure the reader would catch the cohesive value of the last line. Glad to see you noticed. Thanks so much for the feedback!

Juan,
Yes, horribly awry lol. Sometimes I fear that a title will give too much away so I often omit it altogether, but "untitled" seemed to fit this poem well. Thanks for the feedback!

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Tue 21st Feb 2017 09:41

Melissa, that last line gathers all the others together and makes sense of it all. Very clever.

Profile image

Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 21st Feb 2017 02:07

This sounds like the story of a mad pregnant woman with an alcoholic partner gone awry...Untitled seems like a good name for this poem...Thanks for sharing

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message