Seedlings lie in sodden ground
shooting
piercing
rooting
their bodies splinter through the ceiling
winding
twisting
binding
shapes are forming, buds embellish
shading
toning
jading
apples swell and leaves are quaking
hanging
bouncing
banging
In a daze of heat they fall,
rolling gamely
as the wasps swarm
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Feb 2017 10:05
Seedlings lie in sodden ground / their bodies splinter through the ceiling
that's an interesting perspective. I like that. There's a pleasing up and down feel to this poem accentuated by the staggered words. I also like the way those staggered words could be removed and you would still be left with an excellent poem - it works both ways.
thanks for posting Rhiannon.
Colin
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Rhiannon
Tue 14th Feb 2017 20:29
As always thanks for your thoughts Colin. I aimed for the staggered words to form a kinda background beat to the poem, like drums. I'm glad you like it!