In the Orchard

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Seedlings lie in sodden ground

shooting

            piercing

                        rooting

 

their bodies splinter through the ceiling

winding

           twisting

                      binding

 

shapes are forming, buds embellish

shading

            toning

                      jading

 

apples swell and leaves are quaking

hanging

           bouncing

                         banging


 

In a daze of heat they fall,

rolling gamely

as the wasps swarm

◄ 5w1h

Only a shadow ►

Comments

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Rhiannon

Tue 14th Feb 2017 20:29

As always thanks for your thoughts Colin. I aimed for the staggered words to form a kinda background beat to the poem, like drums. I'm glad you like it!

<Deleted User> (13762)

Tue 14th Feb 2017 10:05

Seedlings lie in sodden ground / their bodies splinter through the ceiling

that's an interesting perspective. I like that. There's a pleasing up and down feel to this poem accentuated by the staggered words. I also like the way those staggered words could be removed and you would still be left with an excellent poem - it works both ways.

thanks for posting Rhiannon.
Colin

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