revelations

 

round our way, the roads are paved with hatred

and no one comes to realise their dreams                              

we execute the clever clogs

deify the bigger dogs

fashion self-esteem from ragged pants

 

there is no new jerusalem

no land of opportunity

the holy lamb was sanctioned

and satanic mills are silent

we blind ourselves with arrows of desire

 

the countenance divine is dull and dour

power is confined to this estate

mental fights happen at the bus stop in the rain        

and every day we break a little more

torn apart and senseless with the grief

 

round our way, the roads are paved with hatred

and no one comes to realise their dreams                  

our scabs are picked repeatedly

by fingertips of greed

and we bleed and blame whoever's on the telly

 

 

 

🌷 (6)

◄ Alt-Prayer

revelations - film ►

Comments

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Frances Macaulay Forde

Sat 11th Feb 2017 03:02

Tough, layered meaning. Well done.

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Laura Taylor

Thu 9th Feb 2017 12:53

Ah I see elP - glad you got it sorted 😃

Cheers suki - appreciate that. I am getting a little better every day now, thanks to my little SAD lamp and the sunshine coming stronger. Even laughed yesterday.

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suki spangles

Wed 8th Feb 2017 23:33

I particularly love the line "mental fights happen at the bus stop in the rain.."

Hope you're keeping well Laura.

Suki

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elPintor

Wed 8th Feb 2017 12:30

Just the laptop, Laura..I get a little reckless now and then and have to spend a little time re-tweaking things back to standard..thanks for asking, though 😃

elP

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Laura Taylor

Wed 8th Feb 2017 09:58

Crash, elP? Car? Computer? Hope you're alright anyway.

Thank you. Was quite amazing how the lines in Jerusalem lent themselves so readily to the bleak and opposite present day.

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elPintor

Wed 8th Feb 2017 00:04

"we blind ourselves with arrows of desire"

I was able to come straight back to that line, even after suffering a minor crash that took about an hour to overcome..absolutely standout..

elP

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Laura Taylor

Tue 7th Feb 2017 15:57

Yeh Paul - it is, well spotted. The other one, whilst I like it because it is a moment of lovely nostalgia for an otherwise shit childhood, this poem is about where we are now. Thanks chuck.

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Paul Waring

Tue 7th Feb 2017 13:48

Hi Laura,

Great writing, depicting the harsh reality and lack of hope that blights the lives of many. I guess this will be part of the street poetry project you're involved with? Once again, good luck with that luck.

Paul

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Laura Taylor

Tue 7th Feb 2017 13:30

Oh dear Graham. Boom boom, as Basil Brush used to say!

Ha, thank you - I seem to do that a lot, re the rhythm/rhyme thing. I'm not mad keen on endless end rhymes anyway. Glad you enjoyed it 😃

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 7th Feb 2017 13:21

Laura, you know we don't often share the same hymn sheet (oh shit, I've just realised the pun) but I really like this piece.
For some bizarre reason, I had to keep going back over the lines in each stanza because I kept wanting it to rhyme! The rythm seems to suggest it somehow.
Anyway, bloody well done.

Graham

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Laura Taylor

Tue 7th Feb 2017 13:14

Thank you David

I didn't set out to do that as such, but it made itself known to me as I was writing it, as these things do sometimes, and it seemed a perfect fit. I actually love singing Jerusalem, but unfortunately it only seems to happen at funerals these days.

Blake would bloody weep if he could see us now.

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Wolfgar Miere

Tue 7th Feb 2017 12:37

Hi Laura,

I appreciate your literal dissection of Jerusalem, I sometimes (not recently) would listen to congregations singing it, whilst in my head ticking off how much of it is absolute bollocks.

I should clarify though that I would rather it wasn't, and that was our aspiration as opposed to the alternative we seem to have chosen, and which you suggest here.

I like the ironic contrast between the weighty words of scripture, and how in the last line they are dismissed indifferently by whatever happens to be on TV. We are such empty vessels, if we choose to be.

PS, I think now that the last line of Jerusalem could and should be altered to read "In England's green unpleasant land" don't think the General Synod would uphold it though.

I enjoyed it very much.

David.

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