We all have control buttons in our brains:

'Laugh! Don't laugh.'  'Cry! Don't cry!'  'Say something! Shut up!'  etc.

Reactions appropriately monitored - usually.

I'm pretty good with these buttons, except for ''Don't laugh.'

I don't laugh at other people's expense - usually -

but if I myself am the butt of the ridiculous

laughter leaps out brazenly - 

oh - what a word! - never to be escaped.

 

One day my ageing mother requested a 'wee shop'.

'I really fancy some nice pate with crackers.'

So, I was cruising the processed meats, reading labels.

One very fancy wrapper caught my eye:

'FINE PATE' it said, in big golden letters.

'Hummpphh!' muttered I, much aggrieved.

'Surely it's up to ME to decide whether it's fine or not!' 

And I was that put out by such presumptuous advertising

I wheeled into another aisle to settle my whiskers

meaning to go back in a bit and buy the bold package.

 

I was trawling past 'Sauces and Pickles' when it hit me -

Dopey! Dopey! Dopey!

and I started to laugh, not quietly.

People began to steer a wide berth around me

neutral faces turned respectfully aside.

I tried to stop.

I was afraid Management might ask me to leave.

I feared I might wet myself.

I swallowed my chortling as best I could

and scurried back to get this 'fine pate' and get out of the shop

with some dignity still intact.

 

Mum was delighted with my choice.

'I usually buy coarse, but this is lovely,' she praised me innocently,

And wondered why I nearly choked on a chuckle.